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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Comedic Take: WLS is the EASY way out!

We have a community game that we play at the LAWLS Neighborhood called Fun Friday. Each Friday one of the Neighbors composes a question and we all join in the fun of answering it. Last week's question from Too Slim Stu was "If you were a stand up comedian, what would be your best three jokes about your surgery and subsequent life??"

This of course resulted in some terrific and funny posts about post-WLS living. One of the best came from our Fitness Diva aka JudyPetite. She's an oldie, but a goody when it comes to WLS - she had stomach stapling in 1986 (21 years ago) and is living at a healthy weight today. With her permission I share her comedic take on WLS - The Easy Way Out!

To read all the responses link here: Fun Friday June 1. And don't be shy - add your funnies here too! After all, if we can't laugh about this LAWLS way of life, who can?

They told me that if I wanted to lose weight I had to eat less and exercise more. Well, I didn’t want to feel deprived, and I hated to exercise! So, I chose “the easy way out.” Yes, friends, I had WLS.

So I check into the hospital and first thing is they give me a series of enemas until “everything runs clear.” As I’m struggling to clean up again and again (and believe me, when you weigh 300 pounds, cleaning up IS a struggle), I’m thinking to myself “Yeah, this is great! What could be easier!”

I have the operation, and now I can take in about 2 ounces of liquid. They put me on a liquid diet. I’m sipping broth – yum! I graduate to sugarfree jello and pudding, oh wow – easy, easy! They okay cream soup – whooppee! Well, the first time I try it, a tiny piece of chicken gets stuck in my tummy and I’m doubled over for hours! Oh, why didn’t I do this before now??

So, I lose a bunch of weight, the hubby approves and of course I get pregnant! Man, how easy can it get – between morning sickness and stuck food, I now know the inside of my commode like a mechanic knows a muffler!

What an easy time I've had! Since my surgery, I've lost weight, gained it back and lost it again. I've had to be admitted from the ER when the scar tissue in my stomach built up to where nothing could get through at all. Here I am, the former 300-pounder, literally starving! I've had hernia surgery, and, after 20 years I still find myself hanging headfirst over the commode a few times a month. Yeah, what a way to take it off, huh?

Every time I see somebody trying to work the gym into their schedule or say no to a second helping of something, I think WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PERSON? I mean, why don’t they just gain about 100 pounds so they can qualify for WLS and stop putting themselves through all this agony?

I’ve been at a healthy weight for about the past ten years. I can eat pretty normal now! But I found out that to keep from gaining it back, I have to eat less and exercise more. Yeah, folks – through WLS, I learned THEY were right all along. But just think – I learned it THE EASY WAY!!! (ba-da-BING)

1 comment:

cyntimental said...

oh how funny you are!! you sound soooo much like me[minus the pregnancy]. I am a WLS alumni [may 2002]. Problem is I had complications during the surgery and ever since. I lost 80 pounds, gained back 20...and now I'm trying to figure out if there is any way to get back on track this July 2007. Is there any hope other than going back through that process and getting tighten'd?